Hi, this is YAA’s arch-nemesis, Yet Another Idiot. I am here to speak to you today about evolution.
Or should I say, EVIL-ution!
Yes, folks, I’m here today to tell you that I have proof that evolution doesn’t work! I played by your rules, you science-loving heathens, and have the evidence needed to disprove the entire theory of evolution!
My first experiment started off with me going to my local store and picking up a packet of seeds. Now on this packet, it said “Tomatoes” with a huge picture of… you guessed it, tomatoes! Now, according to this theory of evolution, I should have been able to plan the seeds, and they would have “evolved” into watermelons.
But guess what? They grew into tomatoes! Imagine my surprise.
Of course, being a better scientist than any of those fools with degrees or what-have-you, I decided to stage an observational experiment. That’s when you look at stuff.
I was at a junkyard, getting parts for my car, when I witnessed one of God’s miracles: a tornado. Obviously, nobody knows how tornadoes work, nor can science explain why they strike down when and where they do. Science doesn’t give us any information about the morality of tornadoes, so obviously it’s an inferior tool.
Anyway, I witnessed this tornado striking the junkyard. I got to a safe distance and watched. Now, according to this danged theory of evolution, something should have come from nothing, right? The tornado should have been able to strike down upon the items in the junkyard and form, on its own, into a 747 jet.
But guess what? No jet! Nothing formed out of random matter! That proves evolution is wrong!
I mean, do I really have to say any more?
— Yet Another Idiot
(Special thanks to Pharyngula commenter tsg for the tornado/junkyard/747 idea!)