Today is National Coming Out Day, a day where we can all either come out as gay, lesbian or bisexual, or at the very least discuss LGBT (or GLBT? GBLT?) issues out in the open.
Much like Jen over at Blag Hag, gay issues affect me personally, not only because I have a few gay friends and because one of my childrens’ uncles is gay, but also because I want to teach my kids tolerance and acceptance of all orientations and creeds.
Oh, and I’m a Kinsey 2.
Hey, this is National Coming Out Day, ain’t it? So here I am, saying that I’m not 100% heterosexual. But then again, who is, besides those who were taught to fear and hate homosexuals and to force whatever latent homosexual tendencies they had so far underneath the surface that it’s practically non-existent? I’m a proponent of the Kinsey scale, but in finer gradations. A scale of 1–6 is too coarse and simplistic to be of any use. If I had to use percentages, I’d have to say I’m about 85% heterosexual and 15% homosexual.
Growing up in a Catholic household, even the word “homosexual” carries with it negative connotation, even after I’ve long since rejected the Catholic ideology that homosexual is evil. I know it’s not a choice, I know it’s determined by nature, even if only partially. But the stigma of my upbringing will always be with me. And that’s why I’ll probably never share this with family members (unless, of course, they happen to read this blog). Not that I have a pressing urge to share it with anybody. I’m more comfortable sharing this with perfect strangers than I am sharing it with family or even friends.
It’s not even that big of a deal, I don’t think. So I’m bisexual, bi-curious, “heteroflexible”, or whatever you want to call it. I don’t subscribe to any labels when it comes to sexual orientation. Well before I had ever heard of the Kinsey scale, I had always believed that sexual orientation was more fluid than some binary system — that it was a false dichotomy, being straight or gay. I had always believed that even introducing bisexuality to the mix still introduced a false trichotomy. I had always believed that there was some sort of scale, where everybody fell somewhere, where sexual orientation was a fluid state of being, something that could even change over time.
Like many other young teens, I was curious about other guys at a young age. I even experimented once or twice. Then, it just stopped. At some point I was no longer interested. Perhaps it was because I discovered that I like girls a whole lot more than guys. Thereafter, hearing all the negative comments about homosexuality, witnessing the homophobic tendencies of most of my friends and family, and feeling the peer pressure of liking girls and only girls, all worked against whatever latent homosexual tendencies I may have had. As I grew up, they were pushed down beneath the surface and I liked only girls.
Deep down inside, though, I still was curious about the same sex. I’d often fantasize about same-sex relations, but I always kept it hidden beneath the surface.
Today, I’m making a stand and saying, “No more.” Gays, lesbians, trans-gendered, bisexuals, and any other groups I missed: It gets better. I’m here to help, in whatever way I can.
Perhaps coming out myself will be of some help to somebody, somewhere out there.